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Relationships Make Our Lives
We are social beings. We connect to other people on a daily basis, that is our nature. We cannot avoid being in a relationship with someone. We cannot escape the fact that the quality of HOW we are connected to other people, especially to our loved ones, has a huge impact on how we feel, how content, and happy we are inside.
We all desire to lead happy lives, to be successful and joyful. However, we oftentimes tend to seek our happiness in terms of business success and achievements, affording a high standard of living, trying to do and be better than others. But does that really make us happy, content and joyful?
Let’s take a look
Numerous studies show that enjoying satisfying connections with others (with a partner, child, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues at work) brings a greater sense of happiness, fulfillment and even better health and longer life. We all love that idea, right?
We are able to enjoy our connections when things run smoothly. However, we all know that maintaining an honest, true and satisfying relationship does not just happen. We have to put some effort in it, devote our time, energy, and willingness to resolve the conflicts that appear. And that is not always as easy as we would like to. Sometimes it can be tiring and exhausting. When we feel apart from someone, when we feel rejected or hurt we frequently feel at a loss, not knowing what exactly to do to pull ourselves out of negative feelings and thoughts. Or we may know what we should do, what is supposed to be the right thing to do, but we cannot or, due to our valid reasons, we don’t want to.
Relationships, in particular the ones with our closest family members, can sometimes bring out the worst in us. And that is when our loved ones as well as ourselves get hurt.
We haven’t been taught how to efficiently deal with such situations nor introduced the necessary skills that would support us and enable us to lovingly approach the challenge.
It is normal to feel lonely, anxious or depressed when that happens. However, the good news is, it does not have to be that way. And the place to start with is you.
Pointing our finger at our partner, spouse, child or colleague makes us feel a slight relief at first. But in the long term, it does not work. What works in the long run, is facing our own downsides and dealing with them. It is not the easiest or the most pleasant job to do but it is rewarding. It is in fact the only way that brings results and enables us to move forward to greater freedom and our true self.
The first and most important step is to acknowledge what we really feel, accept it and be with it.
It is very helpful to accept yourself where you are and the situation you are in. Without judgment. Realize that you are not alone. Each one of us has at some point in our lives been there, felt crushed, helpless, and scared. We can observe and investigate our own reactions, thoughts and emotions that rise up in confronting situations with the other person. The first and most important step is to acknowledge what we really feel, accept it and be with it. That is what a loving person would do, right? Often it is easier to be loving and caring towards another person than towards ourselves. That is usually so because we are used to that. We were taught to be kind and helpful toward others.
Finding inner peace
Moreover, in today’s world that praises outer achievements over inner peace and calm it is quite difficult not to comply with the modern view of a successful and happy woman or man. Consequently, we have learned to place most of our attention outwards, to the outer world and overlook our own inner world. In a way, we have abandoned ourselves
as we have forgotten to listen to our gut feeling.
As a result of focusing that much on the outer world we tend to expect others, especially our partner or spouse, to recognize and take care of our own needs and wishes. But how can they know what is it that we really need, especially in a certain challenging moment, if we ourselves do not have a clear answer? We are the ones holding the accountability to observe ourselves, explore what it is that deep inside we really want and need. No one can do that instead of us. However, a loving and understanding friend can be of great support, or a caring and sensitive coach can help us on that journey a lot. They can guide and support us and help us achieve our goals faster. Looking for help is usually a faster and more efficient way of approaching and resolving distress. It is like taking a highway.
So why not take a highway to our well-being, better feeling and better health? When we want to learn a foreign language we do not hesitate much in taking a course or even hiring a private language teacher. Or if we want to learn how to ski, we look for a skiing tutor. So, when we want to reach for inner peace and joy or more fulfilling relationships, it is normal and natural that we look for a coach or therapist who knows how to help and empower people.
When confronting a challenge in a relationship with our partner, child or colleague, we should instead of playing the victim, look inwards first and be willing to see and face our own flaws, our inner wounds and lovingly start healing them. That way we are able to get to know ourselves better, and embrace ourselves as we are. Furthermore, that helps us reach a win-win situation for all involved in the conflict and that is the real victory.
Our contentment, well-being and life optimism to a great extent depend on the quality of relationships we have with the people who are closest to us.
If you would like to overcome your relationship challenges and resolve them effectively at the very core and have long-lasting results, then I am warmly inviting you to have a try and book a session with me, where I will lovingly support you and guide you step-by-step to your own “aha” moments, to greater clarity and inner calm.
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