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What is Self-Confidence?

Life CoachingMindWellbeingArticle

Confidence is sexy because it means knowing oneself. Confidence means feeling secure. But, what is self-confidence? Self-confidence is the feeling you get when you are who you are without question the ability to be yourself unapologetically. Self-confidence means knowing your strengths and weaknesses. You trust that you will accomplish all your goals.

What is Self-Confidence?

Confidence is sexy because it means knowing oneself. Confidence means feeling secure.


But, what is self-confidence? Self-confidence is the feeling you get when you are who you are without question the ability to be yourself unapologetically. Self-confidence means knowing your strengths and weaknesses. You trust that you will accomplish all your goals.


People with low-self confidence or self-esteem find it challenging to trust themselves and other people. Someone with high self-confidence shows signs of supportiveness, encourages themselves, and doesn’t allow others to influence their perception.

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It’s easy to become ‘stuck in a rut.’
"self esteem" written in scrabble letters

What is Self-Esteem?

It is easier for someone to be self-confident when they have high self-esteem, relating to how they feel about themselves. Low self-esteem insinuates that your confidence levels are probably low because you don’t believe in yourself. 


However, some people have low self-esteem but are still confident in their abilities to achieve. While others know they deserve better and are motivated towards positive outcomes but don’t believe they will achieve their goals. This is having high self-esteem while having low self-confidence.

The Difference Between Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is how confident you are in your abilities. Are you a good communicator or listener? Are you a quick learner, or do you like to take your time? Confidence in yourself means that you can recognize your weaknesses and strengths as a person without allowing other people’s opinions to deter your mindset. 


Self-esteem relates to how you see yourself. Others cannot see self-esteem as it is how you feel about yourself from the inside. If you have low self-esteem, you may think poorly of yourself and be full of self-doubt and self-criticism. High self-esteem means that you can recognize your emotions, beliefs, and perspective as separate from others without wanting to change them. 


High self-esteem combined with high self-confidence means that you understand who and how you are as a person without following others. You are a true leader who believes that you have the confidence to overcome anything while accepting who you are on the inside. It’s a high form of self-love and acceptance.

woman in a wheat field

How Do Self-Confident People Act?

Being self-confident means being a true leader without letting anyone else’s idea of you bring you down. It’s knowing yourself and your mind feeling confident in who you are and your abilities. Self-confidence looks like this:


  1. Happiness comes from the inside
  2. Non-judgmental
  3. Great at listening
  4. Giving yourself rewards after accomplishments
  5. Not attention-seeking
  6. Accepting when wrong
  7. Having no problem asking for help
  8. Never-give-up attitude
  9. A positive outlook on life
  10. Helpful
  11. Being self-assured and assertive
  12. Knowing when to speak and when to listen

Of course, you don’t need to have all these traits or behaviors to be self-confident. Mainly if you have a positive view of the world around you, are not controlling of others, and accept that you are not perfect, you are self-confident. 


You understand that life will bring you down, but have the courage and resilience to get up and try again. You know that no matter how long it takes you, you will get to your destination. 

What is a Lack of Self-Confidence?

Lack thereof relates to the feeling of not being good enough. One with low self-confidence coincides with low self-esteem. It’s the way you act and believe yourself to be. 


For example, if you believe you are not good enough, you won’t have the self-confidence to progress through the challenges in life. Some characteristics of low self-confidence include:


  1. Always trying to please someone else, especially if it goes against your own beliefs
  2. Inability to leave the house without getting dressed up
  3. Inability to handle constructive criticism
  4. Fear of having an opinion
  5. Indecisive/Not having enough confidence to know what one wants
  6. Depressive behaviors
  7. Comparing oneself to other people
  8. Believing you are stupid, ugly, and incompetent
  9. Focusing too much on weaknesses
  10. Playing the victim card and blaming others for your shortcomings

If you have low self-confidence, you may notice patterns of relationship failure, ruminate on negative thoughts, and lack self-care. 

Quality of life becomes depressing based on how you truly see yourself. The motivation to get up and try again is not there based on the overwhelming fear of failure and high expectations to be perfect. 

kid riding a bike

Factors that Contribute to Low Self-Esteem

The cause for low self-confidence is not fully known; however, one reason stems from previous experiences surrounding trauma. Based on how you were raised or how you grew up will significantly affect your self-confidence level.


If you were screamed at for no reason as a child, you might feel that no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough. The belief that you cannot accomplish your goals comes from the childhood of seeing that it wasn’t noticed no matter how hard you tried.


Suppose you grew up with positive influences and surrounded yourself with growth-minded people; the chances of being self-confident increases. However, if you were always surrounded by people that thought low of themselves, you would adopt the same traits. 

Building Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is essential because it will help you develop a healthy mindset that adapts to all that life throws at you. While the journey to building your self-esteem and confidence may be challenging, it is not a long process.

Look at How Far You Have Come

It’s easy to become ‘stuck in a rut.’ We are constantly adapting to change and the world around us and can get stuck in a routine we can’t escape. When this happens, look at all the things you have accomplished thus far. Did you get promoted? Are you with someone you love? Did you finish that project you have been working on?


Look at everything that has happened in your life, and be grateful for every experience. If things had gone differently, you wouldn’t be where you are as the person you are today. 

What are Your Strengths as an Individual?

What are things you’re good at? What do you love to do? Are you excellent at knitting? Is sports a hobby that brings you joy? What type of friend are you? Rather than focusing on the many negative things in life, bring yourself up by knowing what you are good at and enjoy, then take some time to do those things. 


Exercise increases endorphins and helps you feel better about yourself. Create an exercise routine and stick with it. Exercise doesn’t have to be extreme. It could be light stretches, yoga, or jogging.

Learn to Love Yourself

Loving yourself means being kind to yourself. Read about positive affirmations and self-confidence quotes, and stick your favorite ones in your bathroom mirror. Don’t be afraid to fail, and when you do, learn from it by allowing yourself the patience to do better next time. 


woman pointing towards the distance


Self-confidence can easily be achieved simply by changing your mindset. Half of what you think directs your actions. The other half is how you perceive yourself and the ability to be confident in yourself.


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